Good Kind of Change

Hello!
So this is the post some of you have been waiting for you--the one in which I share my weight loss journey. I began this particular adventure officially on February 01, 2011, but I've been battling my weight for most of my life.

*First off I just need to say that I am losing weight because I want to--because I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, because I felt like I was in the wrong body. This is not to say that everybody needs to be thin to be beautiful. I was simply uncomfortable with myself and I needed to change it. One of the reasons why I first started this blog was to inspire girls that you can be chic in all body types, shapes, and sizes. I still stand by it: You really can be chic in whatever body type you have, but what I didn't have back then was confidence. Confidence really is the best accessory.

A Brief History:
Up until college, I never was..."fat," just always a little chubby. Up until then, my parents would constantly nag me on my weight. The nagging got annoying and was just about the only conversations I had with my parents for a long time. I had tried so many times to lose weight before--diet pills, acupuncture, etc. They just didn't work, probably because I didn't want to lose weight then. Robert came along in my senior of high school and helped give back some of my confidence. He made me feel (and still does) beautiful even if I was chubby. Three years after high school, I graduated college with a B.A. in Psychology and Social Behavior, a skeleton of a relationship with my parents, and +40 pounds on my body.

Soon after my graduation, I was having melt downs in dressing rooms and while getting dressed in the mornings because clothes just didn't fit anymore. Blogging was such a hassle because we would take photos and I would delete them all because they were unflattering. I was really self-conscious and just wanted to hide in my room. All it took was one huge fight with my parents to bring me over the edge. I was just fed up with everything and something in me just...snapped. I knew I was getting in the way of myself, and I knew that I had to do something about it. So on February 1st, I stepped on the scale, crying, scared, but determined to never see the number that high ever again. Four months later, I'm now 20 pounds lighter than that first number. My relationship with my family has never been better. I feel unstoppable because losing weight, for such a long time, was the hardest thing for me to do. It took me a long time to realize that I was just stubborn; and that my parents did love me for me, but they just wanted the best version of myself--a healthy me. I was scared of change--scared of getting out of my comfort zone, which included victimization and self-pity. It's so easy to be a victim, and so hard to be a hero, especially when the true villain is yourself. As much as I didn't want to see it, I had to be my own hero in my own story, not my parents and not Robert. Sometimes success is more fearful then failure.

I have no tricks up my sleeve to share--just the traditional diet and exercise. I cut off all fatty foods--junk food, fast food, and etc. It was hard--no, really hard--not to cheat and sneak some chips or drive to McDonalds before work. That's why I think you really have to want it for it to work. The first month/10 pounds was probably the hardest. It's kinda like breaking in new shoes--they hurt at first but if you stick with them, they become comfortable; but instead of shoes, I was breaking in a new lifestyle. Gradually, I have mixed in foods I love, but I have learned to eat them in moderation and choose healthier alternatives. I have also grown a deep love and appreciation for fruits and veggies. For the first two months, I biked every morning for at least half an hour. Now I have joined a gym and now do the elliptical for an hour and some weights for 15-3o minutes. I also take fish oil pills every morning. My mom studied food science in college, and works at a lab that tests vitamins. She told me that something about fish oil absorbs fatty acids, so maybe that's been helping me along the way too.

A last bit of advice...
Comes from a dear friend of mine--Tieka, who has been a huge inspiration and support through this whole thing. She gave me some advice that has really helped me out a lot and it is: make every day count. I wrote about this before but if I stumble and eat something I wasn't supposed to, I don't beat myself over it; instead, I just make sure to make the rest of the day count. You should give into your cravings once in a while so you don't completely derail from your path, but in moderation. And...of course, don't give up. I had many weeks of no loss/no gain and a few weeks of gains, but I just told myself that I'll do better next week. I haven't given up, and don't plan on it. I'm taking it nice and slow because I want this to stick and because I want to do it in a healthy way. I'm only 1/3 of the way there after all.

I hope this has helped at least one person, because this has definitely been the most difficult, but best adventure of my life yet. Good luck and you can always email me your questions.

Until next post,
Jasmine

Sources of photos can be found via my Tumblr.