Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Penny For Your Thoughts: Anonymous Friends

(via flickr)

I managed to crank out three papers in the last couple days, and I am so drained! And yet, I feel like writing a discussion post today...So sorry if my writing isn't as coherent as it usually is!

So what I want to know is...
Do you tell your friends about your blog? Why or why not? If you have, what were their reactions?

Before I created this blog and way before I started posting photos on Chictopia, my sole blog was my Xanga (haha remember those?!). I started that blog when I was in middle school (7th grade) and recently abandoned it last year (I'm a third year in college). My blog name even had X's in them! That blog held my ramblings, photos, memories, and most importantly, some of my most personal thoughts during the most awkward stages of my life. The reason that I let go of that blog and was so hesitant to start a new one was because of some drama that transpired over a post I had written, stupidly thinking no one read my blog anymore. While friendships are still on the mend or are forever scarred by that incident, I have become so weary that I keep my blog a secret to people I know. Its secrecy is pretty liberating actually. I have a space to call my own and have readers who won't judge me as a narcissist. Friendships have even been formed here. In fact, I think my readers know more about me than my friends do...but I don't mind. You are all so much nicer hehe :)

(via tumblr)

You all think I am sweet and cute, and I am; but I'm also a loner. I think friends just fall away as your romantic relationship grows. It's just inevitable, and some people just don't understand that when I started dating Robert, my priorities just changed. But that's an entirely different topic that could be saved for a separate post. I actually wrote about it before on my tumblr, here. Anyway, as I'm growing older and filtering through those shallow friendships, the friendships I do have now are few and close ones, and with people I truly love and trust. But even then, I haven't really told them about my blog. Most don't even know I went to New York a few weeks ago. I think I'm just scared of being misjudged as a narcissist, because my computer is now filled with photos of myself in different outfits. While I do wish I had a tangible/real person to talk about fashion with in person and to take pictures with, it's comforting having faceless readers who support me. I'm also a pretty competitive person and would feel pressured to dress better than friends if they had a blog. I also tend to dress a little more "normal" when I hang out with friends, which explains why I never have photos from my outtings. I don't think any of them have seen me in a high-waisted skirt.

I don't really know why I'm so embarassed/ashamed to be into fashion and have this blog, but I am. Should I be?

Hmm...I know I have more thoughts on this topic, but I think all the thoughts are lost in translation into text. Let me know what you think! I'm off to turn in my last paper of the quarter!

Until next post,


  1. I know what you mean. When I first started my blog, I couldn't wait to connect with other bloggers, but didn't tell anyone in my 'real' life but my husband and sister. Dan was so proud of it that he wanted to tell lots of people, and did, including his mom and brother and they passed it along to other family members. I was so upset with him for the same reasons you talked about. I was afraid they would think me narcissistic or foolish, but they don't. They like the photographs I take and my mother-in-law reads most of my posts and even made some very helpful suggestions about my Etsy shop.

    While its nice to share it with them, I don't go around telling people about it for the most part. I think that its nice to have a space that's my own and my group of online blogging friends. I'm not embarrassed about it anymore because its my outlet for creativity, but I also don't talk about very personal things that involve other people, except my affection for my husband. So that was a long-winded way of saying, I understand what you're talking about:) Good luck with your paper!

  2. I understand what you mean. While I've shared the fact that I have a blog with my friends, only my two best friends know about my blog on chictopia. And because people know about my blogspot account I am hesitant to really claim my blog as a fashion blog or start posting pictures up of my outfits. My plan was to eventually let everyone in on my growing love for fashion, but I'm taking it really slow right now. When I'm finally ready to take that next step then I know I've reached another level of confidence in myself and my style.

    Don't be embarassed to share with your friends because the fact that you have style and fashion sense has already been confirmed by so many of your followers here and on chictopia. And, being a winner of Chictopia10 also shows you've got the right stuff.

    And, I remember Xanga, haha. I check on that account every-so-often.

  3. Jasmine,

    Can I just say that you are gorgeous? I always love coming to your blog and reading everything and seeing your pictures. You actually have such a soft spirit about you. When I was reading this post it reminded me so much of what I felt like with my friends aswell. I work at a missionary organization and people have caught on to the fact that I have a blog and I actually get a lot of slack for it. "How can you be so materialistic?" is a question I recieve all of the time. I have come to learn through blogging though - that its more than just sharing photos of yourself, its about being inspired and challenged to try new things, aswell as making friends (even if its just though lovely comments) and encourage eachother! You shouldnt be ashamed at all that you are into fashion. Its an art form, and an amazing one at that. I love your blog and I love your looks, so go put on that high waisted skirt, girl..and dont look back!

  4. jasmine! i definitely went through my xanga phase too! it lasted from 7th grade to mid-high school and i had X's in my name too (yes, i am ashamed). it must have been some horrid trend all of us went through during puberty :P
    and at first i was reluctant to tell my friends about my blog but one by one they would accidentally see it open on my computer or they'd wonder why i was leaving my dorm with a camera and heels on. eventually they asked and i reluctantly showed them. i was nervous because, like you, i don't want them to think i'm a narcissist (countless albums of myself on my computer is a little strange haha), but they were all really supportive and thought it was kind of cool. :) i think one of the main reasons i was worried was that someone would see my blog and be like "wait...YOU have a fashion blog?'re not fashionable?"
    it's understandable why you're embarrassed to tell people and plus, it is nice to have that little personal space where you can be yourself but also somebody else. but i don't think you have any reason to be though since you're the most adorable thing to walk this planet. this blog is a big part of who you are and you shouldn't be afraid to show people this side of you. it's absolutely lovely :) if they're your true friends they won't misjudge you. and just you wait, when we meet up we'll take a million and one pictures to the point where they won't even fit on our computers. we'll definitely be called narcissists at that point :P
    good luck on your paper and get it done!

  5. Jasmine, I'm going to repeat what you've probably heard so many times...if your friends judge you and don't understand you, then they are not friends.
    Continue to do what you enjoy and friendships will come to you and build themselves around things that you both like. If you feel like you can't tell the people around you about your blog, then you already know the answer as to why.

  6. There are certain friends that know and some that don't. Those who don't are my friends who are also co-workers. They know that I blog but I refuse to give them the address unless they find me somehow. I just like to keep the 2 seperate.

  7. BWAHAH if only I could tell one of my friends about my blogs. Actually, I'm getting ready to tell one of my besties since ever, I'll see how it goes... if it goes well then YAY, if not, oh well. We all know deep down who are true friends are and whether or not we are being true to ourselves. Holding interests in fashion shouldn't allow discriminations against who you are and all the stereotypes that follow with the connotation of the word "fashion" are just ridiculous. Being on Chictopia has shown me that each person's style really convey their persona, emotions and how who they are! <3

    What a strange rant I don't even know what I was saying... but yes, true friends accept you for who you are not what you are. :)

  8. First of all, I just want to say, your discussion posts are great. I think a lot of people can relate to them. I know I certainly can.

    My first blog was on Livejournal. Ha. That was my freshman year of college. Like Xanga, I think a lot of people have abandoned LJ. Anyway, when I first started my current blog, I had posted a note on facebook about it; I wanted to encourage my friends to check it out. However, most of the blogs I follow are fashion blogs, and while I don't consider mine to really be a fashion blog, I wanted to present similar material to fit in with the blogs I was most interested in. As I started to post pictures of myself, it seemed ok because I felt I was showcasing other's photography. When the photos became strictly about my outfit, I was embarrassed. I didn't feel comfortable posting the photos. It felt even more strange to write about the brands of the items I was wearing. To me, It seemed like I was bragging and showing off. Like you said, I felt that certain friends would find it narcissistic. I had previously learned the hard way that facebook wasn't the proper outlet for certain photos, I didn't want my blog to turn into the improper outlet either. It makes sense to leave your blogging life and personal life separate. I don't think certain people would understand the outlet blogging provides. Everyone in this community is positive and uplifting. Comments are always upbeat and encouraging. It's just not the same in the real world.

  9. First time on your blog, but I LOVE this post so I definitely want to add my 5cents.

    Haha. I never had a xanga, but a PICZO in the seventh grade. I don't even remembered what happened with that, but it was 100% top secret and filled with random links and ramblings and pictures and quite embarassing, in fact (with xx in the name, of course!).

    I'm on my blog right now, which is also top secret. TOP SECRET. My sister is the only person who I actually know who knows about it (which is only as she takes pictures!). I think everyone has secretive parts of their lives and, hey, who says a blog can't be one of them? I think a blog is really comforting in some way. Even though it can be time consuming, it's an awesome outlet.

    And fashion is a difficult thing for people to understand. I mean, if someone doesn't like fashion then they just don't understand it. All my friends know I love fashion, but I don't think they understand the depth in which I LOVE it.

    Pheeew long comment! Especially for the first one, haha.

  10. in regards to friends reading your blog... i didn't let any of my friends know, for the same reason. i felt that i was being narcissistic for holding so many detailed shots of my clothes... and making my sister take copious amounts of photos [...sometimes against her will, hahaha!]. when they found out about it, they were more curious than judgmental. that's how i knew they were keepers. our 20s are about shedding our awkward layers and much of our awkwardness comes from our friends, or those we thought were friends.

    i'm so happy to see that you're so candid in your blog. you're a wonderful blogger and i love reading your words :)


  11. Haha I had a Xanga too, back in the day. I agree with everything you said. I made a blog as a kind of creative outlet because as much as I love my friends, they don't really have the same interests as me, regarding old movies and fashion. It is a little embarrassing to share your blog with your friends in real life; for me, it is because I'm afraid they'll judge me or think of me in a different light. If they read my blog, it might force me to rethink the things I do post about, and what was once a place of refuge is now a source of "entertainment" to my friends. I have one or two friends that know of my blog only because I know they understand all my whims and random interests. I don't think you should be embarrassed about having a blog! I am sure many bloggers feel the same way. I think through blogging it is easier to find people with similar interests rather than in real life...which could be good and bad. I'm sorry my ideas are a bit scattered, my brain feels so fried :(

  12. I didn't tell my friends and family about my blog at first, but I've been doing it for over a year now, and I have to say - I do want them all to read it!

    You should never be ashamed of doing something you love, and blogging is fun and social and, really quite normal. Fashion is part of everyone's life, don't be embarrassed that you like it!

  13. I asked this on my blog as well because I told one of my friends about my blog accidentally because they were talking about there blog. Then she asked for the link to mine and I didn't give it to her and she kind of got mad. She's a writer so she's very found of writing and i didnt want her to go to mine which is about fashion and different things.

    My really close friends know that im into fashion, but other people dont know that about me because i keep it to myself and I too am kind of embarrassed to have people know that about me.

    But yeah I really am trying not to have my friends read my blog because I feel if they knew i would limit myself on what i post. So it feel more free to not have anyone i know read my blog. Don't worry I think a lot of people that blog are on the same page as you. Plus I agree a lot of the blogging community is a lot nicer.

  14. I tried to keep my blog a secret but a lot of my friends have found out about my blog so I've let them read it. I also now have friends that like to join in with my outfit posts and I have a few photographers. I get embarrassed about people reading my blog a little bit for the same reason.

  15. Aww I remember about that issue re: Robert vs. Friends, you wrote a little about it on Chictopia too. But you're right, it does happen. It can't be helped as much as we want to.

    Anyway, I've kept my fashion blog a secret for years. Family members knew about it, as well as my boyfriend at the time (and my current one, obviously, haha), but I just didn't feel comfortable telling others about it. It's not that I'm "ashamed" of the blog, I suppose it's more about wanting to keep a separate world all to myself. Well, along with thousands of other bloggers, that is. Haha. There is just something so nice about having a place to escape it all, you know?

    But recently people have been discovering my blog left and right, and although I feel embarrassed at first, it's actually not so bad. I still don't want them checking in every day, of course. But in a way I am relieved that they know about this "other life" I've been keeping. So far my friends have shown nothing but support for my blog; for my love of fashion, photography (or vanity depending on how you look at it :p) and writing about, well, everything. So.. s'all good I guess! (:

  16. Another great post with great topic:) Here's my 2 cents: At the beginning, I didn't tell anyone that I had a blog (Chictopia). I was embarrassed because, yes you said it, I didn't want people I know to think that I was narcissistic. It's also because I didn't have the confidence I have now to put myself out there for everybody to see and judge (yes, we all like to judge!) But after I found my personal style and got better in expressing it with my outfits, I started to realize that blogging is just another way for people to know who I am as a person. It's also a channel for my creative juice (though I don't have much of it, haha..) since I'm working in an industry that's not artsy at all. So I posted my links (Chictopia, Blog, Lookbook) on my facebook page and I got so many positive responses from my friends. These definitely encouraged me to blog more and be more creative with it :) It's time to develop my right side of the brain :p

    I also agree with Bestie's point. For some reasons, I also like to keep this blog as a separate world for myself despite my attempts to advertise my blog on my facebook page, hahaha :)

    And yes, as we grow older, we start to realize that we don't need fake friendships anymore. They're shallow and time consuming. I don't have as many "friends" as I used to, but I am glad I don't because I know that I can rely on this small of group of people when I'm in need (and vice versa) :)

  17. when i started chictopia, i didn't tell anyone first coz i wasn't sure if i was gonna be in it for the long run. but seeing that i enjoyed posting outfits there, i started to let my other friends know of it. but then again, it's not like when we see each other we talk about my blog or my chictopia. it's just one of those things that we suddenly brush up on that topic and then move on to other things. so some of my friends from here in canada know of my blog and chictopia (they even comment once in a while). as for my blog blog itself, i try to give that link to my friends from the philippines coz it doesn't only include fashion things about me, but also a way for them to get updated with what's happening with me here. :D

    oohhh i started with blogspot way back in highschool and i even had that account with 2 of my bestfriends back home. then i created a livejournal when i got here in canada but most of the stuff i put there are private/emotional stuff.. hahaha! and then i got hooked into chictopia and then back to blogger for my current one. :D

  18. Babe- u have a stunning blog, dont be ashamed, tell ur friends, if they dont accept you and ur blog, then they not friends. With my fashion column, everyone knows about my blog, which is cool : ) xx

  19. don't be ashamed. it's who you are.

  20. I definatly think that there is a stigma attached to having a blog soley dedicated to you and what you wear. There is only one person in my life who knows I have a blog and that is because I totally trust him and he knows how into fashion I am (and that I am not shallow). I am afraid to tell my friends that I blog because at times the comments I get about my outfits are a little discouraging like random people at work saying (oh, well arn't those bright tights. you're burning my eyes out!) And I find people judge even if I am reading teen vogue or nylon. Personally I find blogging to be a reat escape from daily life. School can be hard some times, especially when you study political science (like I do) and have to fave things live world poverty and genocide on a daily basis. I'm kind of rambling right now, but I feel the same way that you do. People just don't get what a release blogging is. It really isn't about me and wanting people to see into my life, it is about me wanting to talk with people and have a medium to share my interests because ther isn't a tangeable one in my "real" life.
    Plus, being made fun of and judged sucks.
    I am alwaus so suprised when I learn that bloggers who I percieve as totally awesome don't even tell people about thier blogs because they are afraid.
    Well, I think I have rambled enough. Great discussion post.

  21. I didn't want to tell anyone about my blog because of the reason shelby listed... but some of my friends found out anyway. There have been guy friends that teased me about being narcissistic but hey, I looooove blogging so they've gotten used to it. However, no one in my major knows about my blog (at least I hope not) because I don't want to be associated even more so with people's perception of me as a ditz that only cares about clothes and not really serious about classes.

  22. interestingly enough, most of my blog readers are my close friends. I love fashion online and offline, and most of my friends know that it's an important part of me. A few of my friends actually ask me for fashion advice!

    However, I do usually keep personal thoughts to myself, who know who might get offended...

  23. recently all my friends found my blog-as a result of the forever 21 contest. at first i as super embarrassed, but they were all so supportive and told me they thought it was cool and my clothes looked nice in the photos- so in the end it may be a good thing because no i can make them take my outfit photos! haha! it is a little weird though since im so used to it being private.

  24. Really interesting topic, so I've been wanting to join the discussion...even if a bit belated! My blog (mostly about my personal style, now, though I'm trying to also add in some crafting/sewing projects) is fairly new, and I've only told a couple of friends and my boyfriend about it. Only one of the friends has ever seen the blog, though, and boy did I feel awkward when I gave her the address (and this is my dearest friend from college!) I don't know...I suppose I'm still a bit uncomfortable to admit to people I know in real life that I'm paying so much attention to what I wear, especially as I'm in a technical grad school and therefore ought to have other things on my mind. :) I do love sharing things with others in these blogging communities, though!

  25. Reading your post was like reading one of my old entries (yes, I, as well, was part of Xanga... :-P). I never thought somebody else could actually think and feel the exact same way I do, though ! And I'm glad to have come across your blog :)

    I'm fairly new to the whole fashion blog thing though, my old blogs used to contain personal rants and daily ramblings. A few friends of mine knew abt it though, and I didn't really mind at first, but at some point, I just felt like I might have been disclosing too much and wanted my privacy back, so I've been off the whole blogging thing for a while.

    Now that I've started again, I wanted to keep it on the downlow, but news travel so fast now that a fair number of my friends have heard abt my new blog haha. Wouldn't be surprised if they came across my comment here! :P

    Basically (excuse my rambling here! :P) what I intended to say was that I admire your courage and appreciate the fact that you put yourself out there and decided to share your train of thoughts like this. Good to know I'm not the only one feeling the way I do lol.Thanks again, shall be following you :)

    P.S. As this is a fashion blog, gotta say that I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR OXFORDS!!!! & Keep it up with the great outfit posts :D

  26. I love this post from you. It's so honest and true.

    I am the same. Some of my friends know about my blog out of force. Hah, they figured it out.

    But I think you are doing an amazing job. It's amazing how people always put other people down! I think you should be very proud of what you have achieved. You're an amazing role model.

    I have had some toxic friends in the past and I still have a few. Sometimes I don't even know why I am still friends with them