Lately

I probably sound like a broken record at this point with this being my sixth post in 2013 so far, but I'm sorry I've taken another unexpected break. To be honest, I'm really not sure if/how blogging fits into my life anymore, or rather if/how I fit into the blogging world anymore. Sometimes I can't believe I've been doing this for so long. I guess while I'm at it, I'll have to admit that I've been toying with the idea of quitting my blog lately. Student teaching has taken over my life, and with whatever spare time I have, I've been spending it with friends. I've had a rough couple of weeks--losing confidence in myself and in my abilities. It was the first time I ever doubted if teaching was the right career pick for me. I kept imagining that I was running towards this huge wall that I wouldn't be able to climb over, but I think I'm slowly regaining my teaching mojo back this week.

I still enjoy shopping (maybe a little too much), getting dressed, and using my outfits as a form of expression, but I'm just not the same girl who started this blog. I feel like over the past three years that I've been blogging, I've branded myself to be this simple, girly, casual, color-wearing, California girl. And while I still am a lot of those things, my style has experienced this shift from girly to "hipster" over the past few months. And while there's nothing really wrong with that--in fact, I've been really enjoying my new style lately--I just don't feel right blogging here on Transient Withdrawal not being that original Transient Withdrawal girl who you hopefully still love. I almost feel like an impostor on my blog. Even though this blog has documented my style change from daily wearing bows in my hair to never wearing jeans to now wearing only jeans, I don't think the change has ever been so sudden or contrasting or even this conscious. The other day I went to the bathroom during class, and when I walked past the mirror, I was confused for a bit at who the girl staring back at me was--slouchy beanie, ankle combat boots, skinny jeans, and a loose sweater. When I did start dressing like that hipster who I openly hated but secretly admired? That's the moment I realized just how much I and my style have changed. Honestly, when I first started dressing like a hipster, I thought it was just a phase that came out of my singleness. That maybe for some reason, now that I'm without a man, I needed to start dressing more like one? But it seems to be sticking as I accumulate more slouchy sweaters, a cactus printed shirt, and random accessories. It's a different look to match the different me. It's only natural for my style and my blog to change alongside with me. I feel like I'm just starting to come into my own person, and it's been great rediscovering myself. At the same time, I just feel a little uncomfortable inadvertently inspiring others when I'm not really sure what I'm doing. I was always the student who would never raise her hand unless she was 100% sure she knew the answer, and I guess the same thing is happening here. Like an angsty teen, I'm experimenting and figuring out what my style is: awkwardly becoming this hipster who needs to still look presentable and sophisticated as a student teacher, and who is also starting to wear heels and makeup during girls night outs. Transitions are always awkward. Always.

I'm really not sure what's in store for Transient Withdrawal at this point. I would love for it to still document my growth and change for another 3+ years, but apart from my silly feelings, time is another issue. I haven't taken a proper set outfit pictures of my own since 2012! I actually miss getting that creative time to myself, so I'm hoping that now the sun is still out for a bit after 5PM, I can fit in some outfit shots here and there. I just wanted to pop in and say hi and let you all know where my head is at.

Until next post,
Jasmine

The Little Things

Sorry things have been a little slow around here. I've just been taking some time off for myself to enjoy the last bit of my winter break. Besides you're not missing much in terms of my outfits. I've really just been living in jeans and boots and sweaters. In between catching up with friends and reconnecting with old ones, I can't help but smile and revel in all the things and people I'm blessed with. And honestly, it's the little things like eating lavender honey ice cream in the middle of winter, or witnessing a gorgeous sunset, or your phone playing the perfect songs during your run, or grabbing pizza with friends at 10:15 at night that make life really worthwhile. I've also been taking some time for myself. I started running again, not necessarily because I want to lose weight (though I do and it'd be a nice side effect), but because I just want to feel better about myself. That resolution goes hand in hand with the others. After a five-hour nap to nurse my first hangover ever from New Year's Eve, I really thought about what I wanted to accomplish this year and ultimately, I just want to be better and happier and that's just what I'm going to do.

My 2013 Resolutions:
1. Be more active: Work out for an hour at least 3 times a week
2. Be more fearless: Change isn't scary, it's necessary. And success isn't so bad either.
3. Be more confident: in my choices, actions, wants, and needs. Speak up more.
4. Be more carefree: Worry less. Don't sweat the small things.
5. Be better: a better friend, daughter, sister, teacher, student, and blogger.

What are your New Year's resolutions?

Until next post,
Jasmine

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

What do you wear when you meet an ex-boyfriend for tea to give him back his stuff? You don't want to try too hard because you're obviously over him, but you also want him to know what he missed out on and that you're better off without him. And maybe, just maybe, you want him to think you're better than the bimbo he's supposedly moved on with. Well this is what I wore to such an occasion.

Is it silly to admit that I even googled "what to wear when meeting an ex-boyfriend?" It wasn't even because I was nervous, because I wasn't. I just wanted to make sure I looked as good as I feel since having let him go. And while we're being honest here, it bothered me too that I was so concerned about looking good for him. It just confused me because I knew I didn't have feelings for him, and up until the moment he texted me wanting to meet, I hadn't really given him much thought. So why did it matter what I looked like when I saw him? Why did I feel the need to buy a new top just for the occasion? I couldn't come up with an answer other than just because. Because I needed to prove to him, and to myself, that I really have moved on, and that I've been the happiest I've been in a long time. Because my friend told me that there's a winner in every breakup. And per my usual competitive self, because I wanted to be that winner. A lot to expect from an outfit right? But I didn't take the advice on Google to dress this way or that way. I know this outfit doesn't look like much, but it made me feel good. And in the end, I just wanted to look myself because being myself is finally enough for me. Of course a little mascara and lip gloss never hurt anyone either. Something that my google search never told me? Just how much seeing him again would validate everything--the independence, the happiness, the confidence--I've been working on. It was just so oddly satisfying and empowering feeling nothing when seeing him. I really have moved on and have closed that chapter of my life. I rang in the new year with good friends. I am just so excited for this upcoming year and all the adventures heading my way. 2011 will always be the year I lost 25 pounds; 2012 was the year of changes; and 2013 is going to be a good year because I'm going to make it good.

Until next post,
Jasmine

cardigan - h&m
top - g-stage
jeans - gap
necklace - madison bleu
shoes - american eagle
bag - michael kors

Things I've Realized So Far Being 23

1. The only thing you can do when your car breaks down on your birthday is laugh.
2. There is still so much I don't know.
3. "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
4. I'm getting better at knowing what I want and don't want.
5. I actually like coffee, but still not as much as tea.
6. The anticipation of giving a gift is way better than receiving one.
7. Silence is good sometimes.
8. Be unapologetic of who you are. Because you are unprecedented.  
9. Who needs a boyfriend when you have cozy sweaters? (I still do, just not now)
10. I will make better mistakes tomorrow.
11. Life is still, just beginning. 

Until next post,
Jasmine

24 Before 24

  

I turn 23 years old today!

Already, this birthday has just been so amazing. Over the weekend, my parents got me a new Macbook Air. This means more than just getting a new computer for me. I was never that kid who had a long wish list for her birthday; rather, all I really wanted were books. This is the first big present from my parents ever, and for me, it just symbolizes how much growth my family has achieved over this past year. I finally feel like I'm making my parents proud. And then yesterday, my friends in my grad program surprised me by taking me out to lunch in between classes. Tonight, on my actual birthday, a few of my oldest and closest friends and I are going out for a fancy dinner. I'm so excited to dress up and begin this next year in my life with people that I love.

This feeling of new beginnings has been my theme lately, and I am just so high on life right now. The year of being 22 brought my highest of highs and my lowest of lows, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I can't help but feel everything happened like it was supposed to because I can't imagine my life any other way. I have the best group of friends and with them by my side, I just know that this next year in my life is gonna be an amazing one!

So here's my 24 before 24 list:
1. Get a tattoo.
2. Run/walk a half marathon.
3. Go on a road trip with friends.
4. Cycle through most of my clothes.
5. Read a classic.
6. Be more confident.
7. Visit a drive-in movie theater.
8. Cook dinner for my parents.
9. Overcome a fear.
10. Go to a Lakers game.
11. Make something from scratch.
12. Hang out with Jen and Maggie in real life.
13. Read the news more often.
14. Visit a state I haven't been to yet.
15. Be financially independent.
16. Get better at photography.
17. Learn to play the piano again.
18. Go on a date.
19. Get to know LA better.
20. Ride the Great Park Orange Balloon.
21. Take a picture with a celebrity.
22. Drive less. Bike more.
23. Go to a concert.
24. Worry less.

Until next post,
Jasmine

Everything Has Changed

I know I've had a rough week when the last post to be published here was my Halloween outfit. When I've had two cups of coffee too many. I drink tea religiously and only resort to drink coffee when I really need it. And I needed it twice this week. When I've let my friends see me in glasses. And when I've worn sweatpants outside of the house, and not to the gym. This week definitely kicked my butt, and I'm so relieved it's over and that a long weekend is ahead of me. And with a Lakers win and a quick Skype session with Jen last night, this weekend is looking to be an amazing one already.

Monday was a pretty rough day for me. I could hardly concentrate in my first class, and then in between classes that day, I got an email from my dad telling me that my grandpa on my mom's side passed away earlier yesterday morning. He's the last of my grandparents, and now they're all gone. While I can't say that I'll miss them, I think what's saddest is that I never got to really know any of them. All my extended family is on the East Coast or is/was in Asia so honestly, I'm not close with any of my aunts, uncles, or cousins. That's sad too. The funny thing about death is that it makes you want to live. Hearing my mom talk about her dad and the hard life he persevered through, and without complaint, makes me realize just how much I do have and how much more grateful I should be. Up until recently, my family and I never saw eye to eye on a lot of things. We still don't, but I think we're getting better at communicating. I never liked holidays because it forced us to spend time together, but I'm hoping that this year things will be different because well, they already are.

As a person who's normally resistant to change, I think I've embraced everything that's happened this year better than usual. And I think it's because for once, I actually wanted things to change. Going from being in a five-year relationship, to being in between friends and couple, to now being nothing to each other has been a hard, awkward, but absolutely necessary transition over the past year. I remembered being so terrified of being single and alone, and I think I even used that as a reason to stay in a failing relationship longer than I probably should have. In reality, it's not that scary or lonely at all. Sure it's a little awkward at times, but it's mostly liberating and new. I feel like a completely new person. While sometimes a memory will come into consciousness, or a wave of nostalgia will wash over me, or a pang of missing him will just hit me, I'm truly happy. Everything has changed, and I'm more than okay with it.

I will be back with a blog post on Tuesday! Have a wonderful weekend!

Until next post,
Jasmine

My Bedroom

Here are some snippets of my bedroom. You might remember that my family did an entire house renovation last year. Each room is now a different color and we got rid of all the carpet. Interior design is just another interest of mine so it was really fun picking paint colors and decorating my room. The only real splurge was my desk. Originally I had wanted to find a huge vintage world map to put over my bed, but since I have a queen sized bed, finding one that was big enough and also cheap was too hard, so I went with the cherry blossom tree. I remember when I lived in Maryland when I was 4, my family and I would visit D.C. when cherry blossoms were in bloom so cherry blossoms have a special place in my heart. I still have to put a sailboat wheel that I thrifted at a flea market last year above my desk, but other than that, I really love my room. We've been making memories in the same house for over 17 years now so this room has seen and known a lot. With my hectic schedule this year, my room is definitely more of a sanctuary than it has ever been. 

Until next post,
Jasmine

Simplicity

Who's the winner in a war that you're raging against yourself?

I feel like I've been in a constant state of conflict lately: I want to be independent, but I don't want to be alone. I'm still holding on to the past, but I'm also moving forward to a better future. I know I have (more than) enough, but I always want more. I'm overwhelmed, but underwhelmed at the same time with my schoolwork. I am most definitely my worst enemy and my biggest fan. I know I have the power to change my life, but I feel so helpless too. I've been such a Debbie Downer lately, and I hate that because I actually like who I am and my life...most of the time. Normally it doesn't take a lot to make me happy. I don't know when I got so greedy or so angry either. This week was just another weird week, and I have a feeling that it'll be like this for a while. Things are changing, and for once, I'm not trying to fight it.  If only life were as simple as the accessories I've been wearing everyday. This anchor bracelet has just been a reminder to strive for stability and simplicity. I'm going to work on thinking more positively this week.

Until next post,

Jasmine

watch - nordstrom

ring - jewelmint

bracelet - etsy

Teaching Tuesday 07.03.12

The 21st of June was a really bittersweet day for me. I would say more bitter than sweet. It was my last day at work, and also hopefully my last day as an after-school teacher. I miss my kinder-boys and my girls who had names that rhymed. I miss hanging out with them, and talking with them about anything and everything. I miss my coworkers, who were equally as awesome to be around. I can't believe I've worked at after-school programs for two years now. Time has gone by so quickly, and everything's a little blurry. I remember my first day at my first real job, post undergrad. I was so inexperienced and nervous. There I was, given a group of kids and a classroom, and the director wasn't even there for my first week. Looking back, it's kind of funny how chaotic my first month (even year) was because I really didn't know what I was doing. I learned everything as I went on day by day. I remember after some really rough days, I would just sit in my car after clocking out, crying out of frustration. I hate to admit it, but I tend to have quitter tendencies. I don't get going when the going gets tough. I complain, sometimes cry, and usually just give up and wallow in self pity. But every passing day that I didn't quit my job was an increasing affirmation that this is what I want to do with my life. At the same time, that's what I love about working with kids: no day is the same--the day before could be really terrible, but the next one could be the best one yet. I continued to make mistakes at my second job: I remember my first day there, I left the room without checking the room for kids and a kid was still in the bathroom. From my very first day until now, I've grown so much as a teacher and as a person. I've learned so much about people, about children, and about myself. 

I think the biggest lesson I learned was not to underestimate kids. We really don't give them enough credit. They're smart, honest, observant, impulsive, curious, resilient, funny, and overall just amazing and adorable little people. And that's how I've learned to treat them--as people, not as children. If you don't respect them, they won't respect you back. Set high standards, encourage and guide them to meet those standards, and eventually they will. Time-outs do not work. Give them choices so they feel empowered, independent, and included in the decision process. I suppose this can be applied to people in general actually. Something I've always been bad at is discipline. I'm such a softie, but I think I've gotten better with being "firm, yet warm" as my textbooks kept reiterating. I've also realized how much patience I do possess, because there's nothing that tests your patience more than children. I've also realized that I don't need to be artsy to be creative: as a teacher, you have to be spontaneous and improvise activities. With budget, you need to be resourceful too. I've found that teaching brings out the best sides of me: creativity, resourcefulness, organization, etc., but especially going-with-the-flow-ness. I'm such a control freak with everything else about my life: everything has to have a time and a place, but at work, it's so hard to predict how the day will go or what mood the kids are in, so there, I've learned to go with the flow. I need to apply this outside of work to my life.

Work was so cathartic for me: It was like entering Neverland every time. I got to be a kid again. I truly miss it. I'm so thankful for all that I got to experience, and I'm really looking forward to the future.

Until next post,
Jasmine

Changes Coming to TW

I said in my last post that I've been rethinking the content of my blog, and all this rethinking has made me excited about blogging again! I'm still going to have the regular outfit posts, but wearing pretty things is not all there is to me and my life. I mentioned that I might want to incorporate teaching, writing, and photography into my blog, and I mean to do that. I'm going to start two weekly series, and a monthly one.

Photo Fridays: This is going to be the first one I start, hopefully this week! I remember one of the reasons I started this blog was to improve my photography skills, and for the first year of my blog, I took all my photos by myself. Then when Robert started taking my pictures for me, I spent more time in front of the camera when often times I prefer to be behind it. So now that he's leaving soon, I'll get a chance to do both. Remember the days when I wanted to pursue a career in photography and did wedding gigs for a while? While my career path has changed, my interest in and love for photography have not. Besides what's the point in having a DSLR if you're just going to use it to capture your outfits? I am so lucky to live in gorgeous Southern California. It's time that I start capturing its beauty once again.

Teaching Tuesdays: This is one I wish I had started earlier. It would've been nice to look back to see past mistakes, experiences, and lessons learned since I started working with kids, but I'm really excited to start this one when I begin my fieldwork and student teaching in the Fall. Until then, I think I'll write a post to wrap up my experience working in after-school programs for the past two years, and maybe about some things I'll learn in my Summer classes.

Monthly Fun Money: Tomorrow is my last day at my current job, and so starting next month I'll be sticking to a monthly budget of $50. I call this my "fun money" because it can be used on just about anything I want: clothes, movies, books, going out, etc. This is going to be hard for me since I'm used to shopping and being able to buy things and do things I like, but I'm kind of excited for this. This is going to be good for me. No more impulse shopping for me! I'll be keeping tabs on this allocated money every month and recapping it here. I'm allowing unused money to be rolled over to the next, but I cannot get an advance from future months. I'm going to be the cliche poor grad student, and I'm super determined to stick to this budget.

I had so many other ideas, but for now, I just want to stick to these three before I take on anymore. The weekly series may become biweekly if grad school really is as rigorous as people made it out to be, but I hope that you're all excited about these changes coming to Transient Withdrawal as I am. I started this blog to be my little escape from reality (hence the name); but slowly, this blog has become a huge part of my real life, and so I want my real life to be a huge part of my blog. My priorities and interests are shifting, and I feel like my blog should shift with them. A big reason why I wanted to be single was so I can find and love myself again, and I just know that in doing the things I love will help me be...well, me! 

Until next post,
Jasmine

picture source

Things I Never Thought I'd Say

At work, I always tell the kids that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it all; and I've tried to follow that as much as I can as an adult. So when I first heard of Get Off My Internets, I was angry that there would be a website where people write hateful things about bloggers, some of whom are my friends. But as of late, I've been spending a little more time than I'd like to admit on that site reading the forums and I also hate to admit it, but I actually agree with a lot of what they say there. I think one of the reasons I just haven't been motivated to blog as passionately as I once did is because of how much blogging has changed since I started in 2009. Clicking on an affiliate link to a product via a blogger's tweet recently made me feel a little used as a follower, and all the more compelled to write this post that has been haunting my mind.

Almost two years ago, Chictopia invited me to speak at their conference about social media and a little about the blogger-business relationship. I still stand by what I said that day that the blogger-business relationship should be transparent, fair, and honest. However, I feel that sponsorships have become even more apparent on blogs since then, and that the shift in purpose of blogs has shifted from expressing creativity to getting free things. The fantasies of fame and glamor have created so many formulaic bloggers who lack real originality and personality. I can find countless girls wearing a floral dress with doc martens; girls wearing an oversized sweater with cut off denim shorts; etc. while scrolling through my Tumblr dashboard. Who were once relatable, genuine girls trying to find their personal style within their closets and budgets are now basically live mannequins for companies. Free stuff is always nice, but is it still "free" when it's at the expense of your originality and personality? It just wasn't, and still isn't, worth it to me. I'm not saying that I'm overflowing with originality and creativity, because what's so hard about putting a striped top with a skirt? All I'm saying is that I think we need to go back to our roots and the real reason why we started blogging. What happened to that loving community that fostered friendships, creativity, and personal style? I feel like almost every comment, tweet, and blog post have become PR attempts to build relationships with companies rather than with fellow bloggers and their readers. I have honestly made the best friends from blogging who I wouldn't trade for anything and who have thankfully remained true to themselves through all of this, and I will be forever grateful for all the opportunities I received through blogging. I just hope that other people can still find friendships and equal opportunities even among all the greed that has littered the blogging world.

GOMI also criticized bloggers for not being real on their blogs, and I admit to putting up a happy facade, but let's be real for a little while. From throwing up on the flight to last year's NYFW to creepy men starting conversations with me while I take self portraits, I think I just might have the most un-glamarous blogging life. For me, most mornings of getting dressed on "picture days" are neither effortless nor are they fun. Sometimes they result in a cute outfit and then a blog post; sometimes they result in mini-breakdowns over hating my closet and my body; and sometimes, probably the worst of all, they result in an impulsive need to buy something new. That last one is something I'm getting better at--dressing for me and not for my blog. I know it's stupid and ignorant of me to have breakdowns over having too many non-cute clothes, but it happens and that's something I've been working on too (especially now that I'm going to be unemployed soon, I have to love every single thing in my closet). Honestly, I think if I didn't have my blog anymore, I'd probably just live in basic t-shirts with a skirt, shorts, or jeans; and on non-picture days, I do. But that's the great thing about having this blog right? It pushes me to be creative with my closet, but sometimes, I worry that the creativity is too forced and not genuine. At the same time, I think I have to stop worrying about creating and just start being...myself.

I'm currently on the cusp of a new chapter of my life. I'm excited, and I'm terrified. I'm scared that maybe I'm not all that great with kids as I thought I was. I'm scared that since the classroom setting is so different from the daycare setting, I might not even like teaching. Now that I'm single and Robert's leaving for Hawaii soon, I'm scared that we made the wrong choice and that I'm going to be forever alone. I'm scared of not finding a job when I graduate. Sometimes I think I'm scared more of success than I am of failure. I'm also scared of spiders and clowns, if you didn't already know. At the same time, I'm excited to meet new people who I can talk to about teaching and kids. I'm excited to learn about a subject that I'm interested in and that I can apply to my life for once. I'm excited to being on the last chapter of being a student, and to beginning a career.

All these feelings, coupled with the fact that sometimes I feel like my blog has outlived its purpose since I have found my own style, have made me want to quit blogging altogether. And I think if the blogging world continues towards this direction, I just might one day soon. Until that day comes though, I mean to stick to my New Year's Blogging Resolution of not forcing the posts/outfits but to let them come naturally. I'm going to try to be a little more real too if I didn't scare you off already.

Until next post,
Jasmine

picture sources: 1 / 2

Letting Go, For Now

This post has been sitting as a draft for weeks now. I didn't think I'd ever finish writing it, let alone actually publish it (well I'm trying to convince myself with each additional word I write). But Tieka's recent post, and the positive and supportive response she received from her readers has given me the strength and courage to be a little more vulnerable than usual here. I've also had such a great support system around me. I have the best friends in real life and here in the blogging world. Like Tieka, I am naturally a cheerful person and so my blog posts too tend to be cheery. So what I'm about to say will probably come as a shock to those of who don't already know.

Robert and I broke up in February, a few days after our 5th anniversary. But we still hung out afterwards, trying to figure things out and make things work--which explains why recently I've posted pictures of us going to the beach and other places. I'm thankful to have had those wonderful moments with him to look back on because I think some of those days were the best we've ever had. I think I needed that extra time to reassure myself that it was the right decision for us, and to accept that there'd be no more Jasmine-and-Robert anymore. But for now, it's all over. I'm just Jasmine now. And I'm okay with it. Really.

It has been a long time coming actually. Months prior to the break up, I had been feeling a little suffocated, and he had been feeling a little neglected. I wanted to spread my wings, and be a little more independent. I reconnected with my friends, and it was hard balancing everything, especially in the Fall and Winter with school, work, and applications all going on too. Resentful feelings had built between the two of us, and in the end, we just realized we weren't making each other as happy as we used to. We didn't even fight about it. The break up was truly mutual. Since the break up, we've toyed with the idea of getting back together, but I think we were just trying to hold on to something that just isn't there anymore--the passion and need for each other. I think we've outgrown each other. We're just not the same people we fell in love with in high school. I can't be that girl anymore, and I don't want to be--just as I can't expect him to be that same guy he was five years ago. For now, I just want to immerse myself into graduate school and my career, and to be honest, I just want to be selfish for once. I want to do what I want, when I want to, and with who I want to. I want to be single, not so I can date other people, but so I can learn to be and to love myself again. I feel like in the years we've been together, I've lost a lot of myself and I didn't really like the person I had become either. But I'm slowly getting me back. I'm glad we can part amicably and as friends. I'm also relieved that I don't regret our relationship, and I will be forever grateful for all that he has done for me. He was there for me when I needed it most. I know we'll still be friends because he's become my best friend over the years, but it's definitely time for me to walk on my own two feet again.

He'll be going to the University of Hawaii for a second bachelor's in Computer Science in the Fall, and I have decided to go to UCI, which starts in a few weeks actually. I'm sure we'll hang out a few more times before he leaves, but I'm so happy that we're both following our dreams. It just seems like everything is falling into place and has happened for a reason. I usually don't like change, and yet I can't help be a little excited that my life is going to change drastically from all of this. I'm going to be single for really the first time, and I'm going to be a grad student. One thing I hope won't change is Transient Withdrawal. Even though Robert took my photos, I've been getting better at self-portraits so bear with me until I get into that new routine. I'm excited for the new adventures that are coming my way, and I hope that you all will stay and experience them with me!

Until next post,
Jasmine

Hanging By a Moment

Yesterday I luckily had the day off of work, and so Robert and I had the one of the best days I've had in a long while. I wanted to just quickly bottle these happy feelings before they escape and are pushed away by work or school. Lately, I've been swinging like a pendulum between being overwhelmed by my anxiousness about my future, and being underwhelmed by the daily grind of work, blogging, and school. I think this inevitably comes along with the transition period I'm in. Days have been passing by rather quickly. I haven't been able to really remember what goes on in a given day, but I do remember moments. And yesterday was a big moment that I'd like to remember for a while. I could've stayed at that beach til the end of time. You'll hear all the details as to what we did yesterday in another post.

1. I love the feeling of sand between my toes.

2. Sea shells by the sea shore

3. In my favorite dress

4. Milk tea, snacks, and a good book

5. Orange and cream cheese, Vanilla Strawberry, and Chocolate Yuzu macarons

6. Oatmeal raisin, m&m chocolate chip, cookies n' cream ice cream sandwich

7. Beautiful day, beautiful view

Have a wonderful weekend my lovely readers!

Until next post,
Jasmine

Renewal of a Vow

I don't know what it is about Sunday afternoons that make me reflect and contemplate my life, but it just seems the best time to do such things.

Over a year ago, I began my weight loss journey on February 1, 2011. A little more than a year later, I've lost 25 pounds, but I have lost 0 pounds since last Summer. I have recently lost the holiday weight I gained though! I've since plateaued for a long while now, and I feel like I'm back to where I started mentally and emotionally--breaking down in dressing rooms and in front of my own closet, and mostly feeling uncomfortable with myself. This whole journey was never about looking good, rather it's been about feeling comfortable in my own skin. It's kind of hard to keep that in mind when running a personal style blog. Though I'm more comfortable than I was last year, I still have so many issues behind-the-scenes of this blog and my cheerful exterior. Through out these stressful months, I reverted back to the habits of comfort eating and self-pity, but I renewed my weight loss goal today (like an hour ago according to Twitter). But just like last year, something in me has snapped again this past week, and I cannot stand being in this body anymore. I tried for so long to convince myself to just accept me as I am, but I know in my heart of hearts that I'm in the wrong body (and that complacency will get me nowhere). I'm declaring it today that my goal for this Spring season is to be able to wear single-sized clothing. If I can lose another 25 pounds this Spring, I'd just be 10 pounds away from my goal weight. Now that my fieldwork is over, I am more determined than ever to finish this journey so that I can begin a new one as a healthier and happier me. With my first graduate school interview this Tuesday, I have so many things to look forward to and I do not want to get in the way of myself anymore.

If you're interested, you can read more about my weight loss journey in this post that I wrote last year.

Until next post,
Jasmine

Monthly New's

So remember my New Year's resolution of trying at least one new thing every month? I thought it'd be fun to document it here so I can remember and so I can be held accountable for that resolution. It'd also be good to summarize and reflect at the end of each month, instead of waiting until 2013 comes around. I'll be better at actually photographing it next month.

1. I've been really obsessed with spicy tuna and spicy salmon (aka real sushi). I used to not even want to try it because the idea of eating something raw kind of disgusted me. I tried it once in high school and didn't like it, but I tried it again this month, and I'm hooked (no pun intended!).

2. Now this isn't exactly a new thing, but I've been jogging almost every morning and night. I hated running, but now I find it to be so cathartic, even if it is hard for me. I'm also toying with the idea of running a 5K race in May.

3. Yesterday I went to my first a capella concert with some friends in LA. It was so much fun and I have a deeper appreciation for a capella.

Words I want to live by:
"What you put up with you end up with."
-- The Daily Love (aka my new favorite blog)

What new things did you try this month? Do you have any suggestions for me to try in February?

Until next post,
Jasmine

2011 Flashback

It's the time of year again when all of these flashbacks will start appearing on blogs, and I really enjoy reading them. I love seeing how we've all grown and changed over the course of a year, even if it seems like this year especially flew by. Looking back on my 2010 Flashback, it seems that back then, I was more focused on finding my personal style, and I did. Last year I went to fashion shows and spoke at the Chictopia 10 conference. This year though, I have been more focused on me as a person, not as a blogger. I didn't care about networking during NYFW. Blogging has now become more of a carefree hobby that I'm gradually loving again over time. Instead of obsessing over what I should buy and outfits to wear, I'm really enjoying life. I have found a job that I am in absolute love with. My relationship with Robert and friendships are the strongest they've been in a while.

As many of you know, I began my weight-loss journey on February 1st this year. While I've gained some weight back with it being the holidays and all, the most weight I've lost was 25-pounds. Even though some days I don't see the difference on the outside, I can feel the difference on the inside--I'm more confident in and more sure of who I am. I'm slowly realizing my self-worth. I'm not afraid to go after what I want anymore. I'm okay with being alone and being independent, actually sometimes I prefer it that way. I'm stronger and better than I was in 2010. I hope to lose another 25 pounds and grow more as an individual in 2012.

Here are my favorite 11 outfits/photos of 2011:

#1 Life's a Beach

#2 Finding a New Path


#3 Baby Blue


#4 Quiet Confidence


#5 Impulse Buys


#6 NYFW: ModSwap


#7 Jersey Shore Photo Diary


#8 Made for Walkin'


#9 Florals in Combat


#10 In Cahoots


#11 Stuck like Glue

runner ups:

not sweater weather / just enough
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Since this is a personal style blog, I'll highlight the changes in my style too. This year I broke away from my signature stripes and bows, so much so I'm not really sure what my signature is anymore. The change in my style definitely coincided with my weight loss, probably because I've been willing to try new things. My looks became more structured and rugged with the additions of boots and jackets in the Fall, and yet somehow, I think my looks have become a bit more girly (even without the constant wearing of bows in my hair). I didn't really buy skirts this year, more dresses I think. It's funny looking back on the changes over the course of a year, because through out the year, you think nothing much has changed but after a long time, you realize just how much has changed. I remember thinking at the beginning of the year that my style probably wouldn't change much since I had my signature looks, but look at me now. Who knows how style will be next year this time? I'm excited to find out! I can't wait to come up with some new style resolutions too. I already know one of them is going to be wear more shorts and pants on this blog.

All in all, 2011 was such a pivotal year and it'll be always remembered as just that. It was the catalyst to the person I am now and to the life I am living and will be living. Thank you so much for all the support you gave me all year long. I love you all so very much! Here's to a new year!

Until next post,
Jasmine