Saturday, November 10, 2012

Everything Has Changed

I know I've had a rough week when the last post to be published here was my Halloween outfit. When I've had two cups of coffee too many. I drink tea religiously and only resort to drink coffee when I really need it. And I needed it twice this week. When I've let my friends see me in glasses. And when I've worn sweatpants outside of the house, and not to the gym. This week definitely kicked my butt, and I'm so relieved it's over and that a long weekend is ahead of me. And with a Lakers win and a quick Skype session with Jen last night, this weekend is looking to be an amazing one already.

Monday was a pretty rough day for me. I could hardly concentrate in my first class, and then in between classes that day, I got an email from my dad telling me that my grandpa on my mom's side passed away earlier yesterday morning. He's the last of my grandparents, and now they're all gone. While I can't say that I'll miss them, I think what's saddest is that I never got to really know any of them. All my extended family is on the East Coast or is/was in Asia so honestly, I'm not close with any of my aunts, uncles, or cousins. That's sad too. The funny thing about death is that it makes you want to live. Hearing my mom talk about her dad and the hard life he persevered through, and without complaint, makes me realize just how much I do have and how much more grateful I should be. Up until recently, my family and I never saw eye to eye on a lot of things. We still don't, but I think we're getting better at communicating. I never liked holidays because it forced us to spend time together, but I'm hoping that this year things will be different because well, they already are.

As a person who's normally resistant to change, I think I've embraced everything that's happened this year better than usual. And I think it's because for once, I actually wanted things to change. Going from being in a five-year relationship, to being in between friends and couple, to now being nothing to each other has been a hard, awkward, but absolutely necessary transition over the past year. I remembered being so terrified of being single and alone, and I think I even used that as a reason to stay in a failing relationship longer than I probably should have. In reality, it's not that scary or lonely at all. Sure it's a little awkward at times, but it's mostly liberating and new. I feel like a completely new person. While sometimes a memory will come into consciousness, or a wave of nostalgia will wash over me, or a pang of missing him will just hit me, I'm truly happy. Everything has changed, and I'm more than okay with it.

I will be back with a blog post on Tuesday! Have a wonderful weekend!

Until next post,


  1. aawww jazzy.. i know it's a rough time, but take as much time you need to rest and give time to yourself and family. :D my prayers are with you.

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  2. I have the same situation when it comes to my family (except replace East coast with West coast). Most of my family is in Taiwan and California so I never get to see them. I don't even know their names! How crazy is that? I'm pretty sure whenever I go to Taiwan I just assume everyone's my relative to be safe. I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa though. When mine passed away I was more sad about never having the chance to really bond with him, too. I hope your family is alright and I hope things only get brighter between you and them from here on out. <3