After ditching a Friday afternoon class and taking a two-hour long lunch with two friends instead, I got home itching to go to the beach. I was on my bed, five minutes into endlessly scrolling through Tumblr when I just thought to myself--why not? It was a beautiful 85 degree day and I couldn't think of any reasons not to, so I just did. By myself. And it was just what I needed. For an hour and a half, I was in my own little world--no students needing my help, no assignments to worry about, no papers to grade, no one to answer to. It was just little ole me. As soon as my toes touched the sand and my nose filled with the salty air, I could just feel my stress melt away as I got closer and closer to the water. I forgot how small the ocean makes me feel. I'm not even really sure what I thought about. I think my consciousness came in and out like the waves. I probably thought about what a whirlwind the past seven months have been. How everything is happening just like it's supposed to. That this definitely would not be the last beach trip I took by myself. That hopefully in the Fall I'm teaching somewhere where I'm still close to the beach. How my favorite outfit will always be a v-neck t-shirt, skinny jeans, and a hodgepodge of accessories.
And how perspective changes everything. And how some of mine really needed adjusting if I want to be happier. I especially need to break my horrible habit of measuring my self worth by comparing myself to other people and what they have or what they are doing. There will always be someone better than you. All you can really do is focus on yourself and be the best version of yourself. As much as I've embraced change that has come my way this year, I don't think I've actively taken it upon myself to change--to be better, to get back on my weight loss journey, to be less stubborn, to worry less, etc. It's so easy to ride on the high of change, but after a while, the change becomes the new normal. What then? I won't wait for another five year relationship to go awry as my opportunity and catalyst for change. I want to be better and for my own sake, I will be.
Until next post,